The "I" Questions and Chastity

Anything you have to be "careful" about or "watch" is not chaste. The traditional explanation is that you are putting yourself in the near occasion of sin, but there is a more complete explanation. If we are truly committed to loving purely, sacrificially, then we are committed to loving as total self-gift. Every act of love must be giving. However in "watching" or being "careful", we are instead focused on keeping. We are keeping this or that from them, and in a perverse way manipulating them as we watch their reactions and take them into our own power. Love is meant to take you out of yourself. When you must watch yourself and be constantly on guard for slipping over the edge, then your focus is on yourself rather than the other. The "loving" is now self-centered and is no longer loving. The questions are all "I" questions. How much longer can I do this before I have to stop? How much more do I think they can handle? How much more can I make them feel before I have to stop? This is not love, because love is a total self-gift.

So how does one live a total self-gift before marriage? By limiting yourself to actions that allow you to give totally. For example, you can hold another's hand and be completely giving of yourself without any fear if your intentions are pure. You can give and give and give and never have to think about yourself. A short soft kiss on the cheek can be a total gift that does not demand anything or ask the "I"s. We must each figure for ourselves what actions cause us to begin to ask "I" questions, and then that action must be eliminated from our repertoire. In this way we will find all the tension removed from those special moments that should be only filled with love; perfect love casts out fear! Those who choose to not kiss on the lips until marriage find that in those special moments, they can just be gift. All of those questions-- am I going to be kissed? Am I too close to the edge? Am I bringing him too close to the edge? What am I feeling, what am I making him feel, if I kiss him now is that bad? What will happen?-- are SILENCED through the sacrificial love.

And you just are... gift.