Not "Here's the guy I want"

When reading Joshua Harris' book Boy Meets Girl, something he quoted a woman saying really caught my attention. I think that this is the shift in mentality that all of us women must make (and guys, there's a parallel for you!).

How does a woman know that she has met a man with whom she could consider courtship?
It is not from a feeling of "Here's the guy I want" but rather "Here's a man I can follow." This is so key! In order for a relationship between a man and woman to work smoothly, they must fulfill their complimentary and individually beautiful roles of man and woman. A woman is looking for a man who draws out the true woman in her. Following is a vulnerable role. Receiving is a vulnerable action. For a woman's feminine gifts to blossom, she must be in a place where she can trust that her vulnerability will not be taken advantage of. We are all called to follow Christ and receive His gifts to us--and Ephesians 5 tells us that a woman must seek a man who she can follow and love in the same way. This means she must find a man who will give himself completely to her, a man who can give pure gifts, for a pure gift can always be received. One of the many reasons why it is so hard for women to receive today is that it is so rare they are offered a gift that is pure! But there are men out there who can, and strive to make pure gifts of themselves. Woman, you know you have found the man whose courtship you can accept when you have found a man who gives you the protection--from the world and himself--that you can trust, and have your beautiful femininity called out. You seek a man who will allow you to blossom into a rose in God's garden.

A man should choose to court a woman not because he thinks "Here's the girl I want," but rather "Here's a woman I can give myself to." He seeks a woman who inspires him to become the true man he was created to be. He needs to be able to love her and her femininity with a love that reaches deep down in his core and fortifies his will to slay his selfish desires, a love that will untwist what the fall has twisted. He needs a woman who will completely accept him, his gift of self, a woman who will allow him to love and serve her and receive that gift properly and totally. He needs a woman who, through being a true woman, will call him out of himself to give purely and totally rather than someone who will "pick up the slack." He needs a woman who inspires him to become the guardian of God's garden.