Gift

How does an exchange of love occur? A gift is given, it is received with the reception becoming a gift back to the giver, this gift is received, which becomes a gift, and so on. On a simplistic level, you can picture giving someone a present on their birthday. You take the time, through your knowledge and love for them, to pick out a gift that would speak to them, and truly be a gift to them. When they accept your gift, open it, and delight in it, that acceptance and delight are a gift back to you, and you too are filled with joy, and your joy overflowing increases their joy.... This is certainly not a perfect analogy for the exchange in marital love, because the gift and the gift back consist of the bodies--the very selves--of man and wife.

What is the difference then between receiving and grasping? Receiving always becomes a gift back to the giver. Grasping keeps the gift for itself; it shorts the exchange. It also, rather than waiting with open hands, reaches out and snatches the gift from the other person. It's the little child who opens her gift under the tree before everyone else is gathered, or the little child who upon opening the gift begins to play with it without acknowledging the purpose of the gift (love!) or the giver (lover!).

Let us remember too--so much of this joyful exchange depends on the gift and the manner in which it is given. It must be a gift that is for them, at that moment. Those gifts are easily and joyfully received. But if the gift is rather for the giver, or has no thought in it, or would have been great five years ago or ten years from now, what good is it? Do you give a six year old a passifier? Do you give a forty year old a walker? No! If someone has just lost their dog, do you give them that stuffed animal that looks just like Fido? Well this case depends upon the person, and requires a loving knowledge of the person. Within the context of the marital exchange, (and the exchange of courtship!) this becomes of the utmost significance. The offer from the man must be pure, self-sacrificing love; if it is, the wife will be able to receive it with a gift of herself. If not, there is no gift to receive and she is left with three options: rejection, passivity, or grasping. None of these involve joy.

But let us keep our focus on the beauty of a proper gift, true reception as a gift, and the wonder of the exchange as God intends it.